We all know that motherhood is a juggle.
Homework, housework, kids’ activities, laundry, paying bills, grocery shopping – apart from the time commitment and logistics involved in modern family life, there’s the mental load of organising, planning and scheduling. Although the men in our lives are taking a more and more active role in parenting and running the house, statistics tell us that the lion’s share of this work still falls to women.
Sometimes it can be a struggle to keep all the balls in the air, and our own health suffers as a result. In a recent survey, women reported that the biggest barrier to looking after their own health was lack of time.
So how do we walk the tightrope of all those competing priorities while staying on top of our own health and happiness? Here’s my top five tips for finding a balance while keeping your family functioning.
1. Ask for help
It seems so logical, but so many women struggle to ask for the help they need. Most family and friends are only too happy to help out if they are aware of your needs.
A good start is to discuss the distribution of household tasks with your partner and family. So often this work goes on unseen, but it really is time consuming, and stretching yourself too thin can have impacts on other areas of your health.
Other strategies might include asking grandparents for help with babysitting and ferrying kids around, or doing a child-care swap with other families. One of my clients even has a lunchbox club with her friends where they take it in turns to bulk bake each week for lunchboxes!
Whatever works for you and your family, it’s OK to ask for help when you need it.
2. Work out what you enjoy
What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Running, swimming, dancing, yoga – whatever gets your blood pumping, make sure you fit it in every week. Look for gyms with child-care, investigate local council programs for mums with bubs, or if your kids are old enough, take them with you! It makes such a difference to physical and mental health.
Studies have shown that women who exercised for 2½+ hours a week not only reaped benefits to their physical health, but also felt better emotionally and were more socially connected.
And when you make your work-out something you enjoy, you’re more likely to stick with it.
3. Didn’t your mother tell you to eat right?
It’s easy to feel pressured with TV chefs whipping up gourmet meals, glossy magazines filled with the latest food trends, and friends’ facebook feeds showing off their culinary achievements. Often, there’s no time to prepare a fancy meal, so families reach for the phone and order an unhealthy take-away or grab a processed food option instead.
But you don’t have to be a masterchef every night of the week! Good nutrition is the basic building block for overall health yet it’s something most of us neglect. Simple, unprocessed foods are all you and your family need. Keep your menu easy, get your family to help out with meal preparation, make meals ahead and freeze, or get groceries delivered. The hours you spend in the kitchen could be spent taking care of yourself, so aim to take the pressure off at meal times.
4. Your pillow is your pal
Are you getting your eight hours a night? Recent research by the Sleep Health Foundation found that more than a third of all Australians were sleep deprived most nights. With all the things on your to-do list, it’s easy to see sleep as wasted time, but it really is essential to your overall health. Sleep problems can not only cause irritability and tiredness, but can also put you at greater risk of obesity, anxiety and depression, heart conditions, and other illnesses. Not to mention that drowsiness during the day can cause work errors and even road accidents.
Gearing your evening routine with sleep in mind will help you to get the rest you need. Experts recommend that before bedtime you dim the lights, take a warm shower, and don’t use electronic devices. While it’s tempting to scroll through social media or deal with the day’s emails, the light emitted from phones and tablets interferes with sleep hormones in our body. Yet 47% of women are on the internet just before bedtime. Other tips include not exercising too late or eating a meal just before bed as it can affect the quality of your sleep. If you have young children or a baby, try to alternate wake ups with your partner so that you can both get regular sleep.
There are more useful tips on the Sleep Health Foundation’s website.
5. Kindness starts at home
I’m going to let you in on a secret. It’s not possible to be totally across work, family and home, all the time. We all see ‘successful’ women, having it all and getting everything right. But if you ask those women what their life is really like, they’ll tell you of their fears, failures, and fitting things in between the chaos of parenthood, just like the rest of us. Nobody’s perfect, right?
What is totally do-able, if you allow it, is getting things mostly right, most of the time.
Don’t let perfectionism get in the way of taking on something you would really love to do. Grab each opportunity that comes your way with two hands, and just make the best of it.
So give yourself a break if things aren’t done 100% perfectly. Don’t compare yourself to others, and take a break from the negative self-talk. Be kind to yourself first, and you’ll find it easier to be kind to others. Hug your family and laugh with them. Take your partner on a date or go out with friends. Give yourself permission to ditch your duties for an afternoon and read a book or watch a movie.
Your life will be richer, happier, and healthier for it.